#61: Connections Count: How Social Connections Protect Us

The holiday season is upon us! For many of us, the holiday season is a time of joy and celebration. For others of us, the holidays might be a little more bittersweet. Our joy might be brighter, but our losses are also more poignant.

This past week I suffered the loss of a longtime friend. The sense of grief accompanying this loss is tremendous and, at times, paralyzing. As I sifted through old photos looking for images to share with this family, I was gifted with a sense of peace and thanksgiving for the friendships that I have been blessed with throughout all of these years. For that, I am grateful. This post is meant to be one of encouragement for those of you who might be struggling or know someone who is. It is about the power of social connections and relationships during times of challenge.

Our relationships and social connections can provide us with a physiological and psychological buffer against stress. In the TED talk, How to Make Stress Your Friend, Kelly McGonigal shares what she learned about how stress can cause us to seek out supportive relationships and how that, in turn, protects us from the damaging effects of stress. I highly suggest that you take a few minutes to learn more about her work by watching her TED talk.

Stress affects the body through the release of neurohormones like epinephrine. Epinephrine (adrenaline) helps your body respond to perceived dangers. It increases your heart rate, blood pressure, and even alters how your body metabolizes sugar. For me, stress is felt in the pounding of my heart, the constriction of my throat, and the lead ball sitting in my stomach. I've always been afraid of embracing stress in my life. The research is clear on the negative effects of chronic stress and cardiovascular health. However, this research doesn't tell the whole story...

What I didn't know is that stress actually triggers the release of another neurohormone, oxytocin. This begs the question, why would the brain release the so-called "cuddle hormone" during times in which we feel threatened? It turns out that in these situations oxytocin prods us to seek out social support and connections during times of stress. It not only makes us more likely to seek out help, it also leads us to help others in need. In addition, oxytocin protects the cardiovascular system from the negative effects of stress. It is a natural anti-inflammatory that can actually help the heart heal from stress-induced damage. Our body has a built-in mechanism designed to help support us in our times of greatest need.

Social connections sustain us in good times and bad. A sense of belonging is a core psychological need. According to Maslow, the importance of feeling loved and a sense of belonging is key to our self-actualization. Psychology offers insights into how we can foster a sense of belonging in our own lives.

“Resonant relationships are like emotional vitamins, sustaining us through tough times and nourishing us daily,” 

Daniel Goleman in Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships.

The Greater Good Science Center offers some excellent resources about ways to cultivate social connections. Here are some specific, science-based activities for cultivating connection that you can use individually or maybe even with your students.

• Best Possible Self for Relationships
• Capitalizing on Positive Events
• Active Listening
• Gift of Time
• 36 Questions for Increasing Closeness

There are a number of benefits to strong social connections. People with strong social connections are happier, more agreeable and less neurotic than those with few connections. They also experience improved health and longevity. A strong social network can even help our professional success. Conversely, when people are isolated they experience negative psychological and physiological effects including an increased risk of death.

Social connections are one piece of the well-being puzzle. Cultivating gratitude, empathy, altruism, compassion, and forgiveness will enhance your well-being across all the different areas of your life. These interventions are not a panacea. They will not make the hurt and pain go away but they will sustain us and help us move forward. I am wishing you all peace, comfort, and joy throughout the upcoming holiday season.


Take Care,
Cori

Last Post: #60 Fostering Self-Determination in Students (Student Well-Being Project)